The concept of self-pity tends to be interpreted in different ways. Its meaning in psychology has to do with the ability to be less critical and more indulgent with ourselves, which allows a more realistic view of our situation.
Self-compassion involves treating ourselves with empathy, being kind to ourselves, without criticizing or judging ourselves for mistakes, allowing us to stay motivated, without worrying excessively about success or failure in everything we do or stop doing.
R epresents a nurturing and reflective emotional intelligence skill. It allows us to open a space to get to know each other, take care of ourselves and give importance to everything that happens to us. Through it, we look at ourselves.
It is not always possible to get what we want and meet the expectations that we have set for ourselves. Thus,When we do not accept that reality, suffering appears in the form of stress, frustration and self-criticism.
On the contrary, if we accept that reality as part of the dynamics of the life of every human being, we experience positive emotions, such as compassion, which help us to live each situation in a more effective way.
Lack of compassion for ourselves
If we do not have compassion for ourselves, we may experience the following:
- Rage and difficulty connecting with ourselves that lead to isolation.
- Irresponsibility: it is about blaming others for your own suffering. We haveIt is a vision of life in black and white, without nuances, and great difficulty in accepting that we have the capacity to generate changes in the present that, in reality, only depend on ourselves.
- Contempt : isthe feeling of incapacity and vulnerability that is accompanied by language and the non-verbal expression that denotes it.
- Hopelessness: It is difficult for us to enjoy the moment and think that better things will come.
- Without direction: we feel lost. We do not find the meaning of life.
From the absence of self-compassion, it is difficult for us to remember that from each experience we have, it is possible to get the best to get ahead and that this will help us when we go through similar situations in the future.
Compassion and self-pity
Compassion comes from the perception of the suffering of the other, through an open attitude, without judging the experience. In addition to perceiving suffering, it implies letting yourself be touched by it and having the initiative to alleviate it.
Compassion is the ability to offer kindness to those who suffer, lending a hand to those who need it, thus leading to involvement with mistakes and weaknesses.
Self-pity is that same helpful and condescending attitude, but directed toward ourselves. We can understand this from the following elements.
- Amiability, which appears as the ability to be understanding and empathetic with ourselves when we feel inadequate, incompetent, not very assertive, etc.
- Humanity. TIt has to do with avoiding isolation when we suffer, thinking that many people go through the same situation, and understanding that mistakes, imperfection and pain are part of the experience and of the human being.
- Full attention.The ability to openly observe our experiences objectively, without value judgments. Live from a balanced perspective towards the emotions, without denying or repressing the pain and neither identifying only with it.
Self-compassion is closely related to resilience ,which is the ability to overcome trauma and emerge stronger from them. Therefore, it is about the ability to calm down, recognize mistakes and learn from them.
In turn, it is related to emotional well-being, optimism, satisfaction with life, autonomy and wisdom, and contributes to the reduction of anxiety, stress and embarrassment.
Benefits of self-compassion
By having a highly demanding and critical posture towards ourselves, when things do not happen as we expect, the discomfort is greater. This is due to the standards of perfection we set for ourselves, which increase feelings of frustration and helplessness.
Through self-compassion, we can take stock of how we treat ourselves when things don’t go well for us, through an act of self-listening, in which we put aside thoughts of guilt and judgments.
Self-compassion helps us promote respect and empathy for ourselves, based on self-care, instead of criticizing ourselves when we suffer or when we feel that we have failed.
People with high levels of self-compassion have a better perspective on their problems, feel less isolated, and may experience a decrease in theiranxiety levels and increased self-awareness of your problems.
Self-compassion allows for better management of negative thoughts with the development of emotional regulation. It also increases positive emotions and helps establish feelings of social connection and satisfaction with life.
It is possible to maintain an adequate perspective and greater cognitive flexibility that has to do with a better ability to adapt to changes.