If we stop for a few moments to think about those points that attracted us to those PEOPLE that we love so much, we would be asked a great question: what brought us closer to our partner? What led us to friendship or romance? help us sustain these relationships?
We probably cannot respond very accurately to this, since it is common for our affection to flourish without even realizing it and with some ease. However, the social psychology gives us data on the psychological ingredients that promote the attraction.
Aristotle said in his writing Apothegmas that “the beauty of people in a better presentation than any letter of recommendation.”
Three ingredients in the attraction formula
To understand the psychological chemistry that unites us to our PEOPLE, we must attend to three fundamental ingredients that make us feel attracted to them, see them with such good eyes and feel emotionally close.
The proximity: the touch makes the affection
Before a relationship begins, it is essential that two people perceive each other as close. Being close to someone and feeling him as usual in our life makes us feel a great liking for that person.
At least at the beginning and according to studies in this field, physical proximity is very important, as it promotes a feeling of familiarity and security that makes us feel comfortable with the people around us.
This emotional response is due to the effect of mere exposure, which helps us determine that what is familiar to us is safe, accessible, and desirable. In other words, with the passage of time, the mere presence of our PEOPLE makes us feel in our HOME.
Physical attraction: start loving someone and you will see them more beautiful
But not only does physical and emotional proximity generate a response of liking in us, but it takes the conjunction of other ingredients such as physical attraction to materialize in the delicious recipe of the union of two souls.
To know what characteristics this ingredient should have, we must pay attention to what affects our impressions about someone’s sincerity, intelligence and personality. There are many experiments that reveal that this is something much more superficial: the appearance.
It can be disconcerting, but the appearance of others affects us when it comes to acting with someone at first. This is because through appearance we tend to predict or evaluate how happy, sensitive and socially gifted people are. In this sense,the more physical attractiveness we detect, the better psychological qualities we will attribute (we call this fact halo effect )
This may seem unfair and petty, but not all evaluations about this fact are. Why? Because as we see a person and we like the contact with him, the less physical imperfections we will appreciate, because the physical attractiveness increases for us and becomes more evident.
Thus, as Shakespeare wrote in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, “love does not look with the eyes, but with the mind.” In fact, Darth Vader was probably more attractive to all of us than ET until we met this cute alien.
Do I love you because you are beautiful or because you are beautiful I love you? – the prince asks Cinderella.
Similarity fosters liking
As is often correctly pointed out, love lasts longer when two people have many things in common and not only love each other. We tend to make friends with our acquaintances when, as we know ourselves, we feel more identified.
Thinking, feeling, and being interested in similar ways unites us. However, as we all know, it is impossible to agree on everything 100%; Furthermore, if this were the case, it would even be nerve-wracking and irritating, and with almost total probability, it would not be possible to cope with the relationship with that person.
As we will already intuit, proximity, attractiveness and similarity are not the only ingredients that help us to form a beautiful relationship. We also like people who like us (especially if we have a negative self-image ), with whom we act more affectionate.
Probably to put the essential touch of love when joining someone we need certain intangible ingredients, a mixture of desires, feelings and good energy. This, without a doubt, is the secret and unique ingredient that configures a unique recipe for the link between two PEOPLE.