I am proud to be a woman in the times we live in and I am fully convinced that the scenario has changed for us. Fortunately, women have taken a step forward in many ways, while in others it is still difficult for us to take a step back and allow the participation of men in their own right and, ultimately, for a new balance to be possible.
Thus, there are certain behaviors that respond to that archaic gender role that we are constantly changing. Behaviors and thoughts that we treasure and that are the first to hurt us. By extension, of course, they can also cause it to our partner or the people around us.
In this sense the genres have not changed. The men are still men and women are still women, what has changed or rather have been expanded roles. This has broken the balance and hierarchy that the ancients maintained. Thus, what we need is to find a new balance, without going back to the old role of submissive woman or provider man. And in this search we find ourselves: we know where we do not want to be but we are not so clear where we would like to be.
In my house I command
Men who stick to household chores are often frustrated: women who have always taken care of their homes, despite giving up some tasks, have not given up control. From the first line or the shade, send men to do homework, supervise and frustrated when they do not make them like they. Thus, they end up saying the now famous: “Quita, I already do it.”
They have included the masculine role in their homes… but under a feminine mentality, without taking into account that men think and act differently. Tasks cannot be handed over to later redo them, the important thing is that the tasks are shared, that the tasks are done, well done, although each has their own personal way of doing them.
There is no gentleman worth
The modern women have the misconception that real men do not exist, which are hidden machismo that undervalue the role of women regardless of where you play. Thus, they would conceive it as the weaker sex and when they make a chivalrous gesture, far from being a sign of affection, it would belittle what women can do for themselves.
Chivalry is not dead and I hope it never dies, never dies a man who offers to help with heavy bags or woo his partner even though they have been together for many years. A man who gives his jacket to a woman who is shivering with cold. However, this does not mean that the woman can open clothes by herself, come in later or wear her own jacket. This does not mean either that the woman cannot open doors for the man or lend him his jacket.
An attentive man, a kind gentleman is not the same as a passive macho. The machistas believe that taking care of the house, caring for and educating children is a woman’s thing. Gentlemen understand that they have to take on new roles and that there are differences between men and women, but that a man is not less of a man because he washes dishes or changes a diaper. The behaviors may be similar in some cases, but the background is very different.
I don’t tell him, I’d rather he read my mind
No matter what time we live in, communication in relationships is always essential. The differences between men and women will always exist and both of us will try to know how and what the other thinks. In addition, in fulfilling this interest we will be wrong many times because we do not have a crystal ball that works with a minimum of reliability, beyond our intuition.
It is essential to talk about our needs and our problems, always positively and if possible in private. Many times we tend to discuss our private life with friends or family, we do it in a relaxed way, but with a tinge that embarrasses or angers our partner, as if we did not dare to say it in person. Talking with your partner doesn’t have to end in an argument. In fact, if it is constructive it can greatly strengthen the relationship.
Thus, it is good to talk about what we like, but also about what we don’t. Although we have the feeling that entering this field can break the peace that seems to breathe at that moment between the two. You can do this by pointing out directly what you don’t like or by referring directly to what you would like him to do instead of what he already does (“I don’t like it when you yell at me”, “I love it when you talk to me in a low tone”).
We cannot expect the other to read our minds or to guess our tastes from our attitude. Although it can intuit certain messages, as you intuit them, it is best to make it clear.
I’m a mother hen
Modern working women go to great lengths to meet their work and family obligations. They may count on men to help with certain household tasks, but the truth is that the weight is still carried by them. This can be present from birth, they are the ones who feed, change diapers, bathe, etc., although many parents are willing to help out.
Thus, many men resist leaving their old role, but at the same time there are also many women who resist leaving it. Parents go from helping or lending a hand to becoming co-responsible for their children.
On the other hand, after nine months of exclusive care for the now-baby, many mothers offer some resistance to letting someone else participate in the tasks they consider most important. They feel ultimately solely responsible for keeping the baby well.
However, by giving in and sharing some tasks, the level of stress caused by them can decrease . Both sexes have the ability to raise children even though they have different styles. Children need and are open to being cared for by both father and mother. At the same time, women need to share this burden if they want to face, without dying trying, their active participation in the labor market.
To conclude, I would like to say that it is women who have to broaden our vision of roles in this world and involve men in tasks that perhaps in ancient times were reserved only for us. We need to find a new balance between femininity, motherhood, the working woman and the couple relationship.