Loneliness Is A Good Friend

It’s hard to dismantle the belief that loneliness or loneliness is dramatic. Human beings are social by nature, we like to feel accompanied and feel that someone cares about us.

Since the days of the caves we have learned that everything was easier being accepted in a social group, collaborating and facing threats all together, since being alone we had a good chance of not surviving.

“Why, in general, is loneliness avoided? Because very few find company with themselves “

-Carlo Dossii-

Why are we afraid of being alone?

We feel that fear of being alone because we have carried this information load on our backs for millions of years, although those real dangers are no longer present. Furthermore, society, education and culture have contributed to reinforcing certain irrational beliefs about loneliness.

Who has not ever heard the phrase: he is going to stay to dress saints? o At 40 years old and alone, he will have something wrong! It is essential that we realize that the central problem is what we tell ourselves about the facts. In other words, the problem is not loneliness itself, the problem is what you tell yourself about it, how you fit in with it, how you interpret it and what meaning you give it.

If we are able to think rationally, we will understand that loneliness is not even real in the first place.

Today we live in crowded places and we are incredibly connected to each other thanks to social media. It may be that perhaps this is not enough for you, and you feel alone because of the fact of being single or living completely alone, but I reiterate that the problem is not that, if not your way of seeing it, the dialogue that you are maintaining with yourself about it . That is what makes you anxious or depressed or feel that great emptiness inside.

“Our great torment in life comes from the fact that we are alone and all our actions and efforts tend to flee from that loneliness”

Obviously, if I tell myself a hundred times a day, or more, to be just something terrible, nobody wants me or I’ll die alone, my emotions will be very intense and I will be fatal for fault of ideas and thoughts that not even correspond with reality.

You are your best company

People who fear loneliness so much also feel that they are not capable of fending for themselves in the world. They need someone by their side to be able to live happily and this is also something false, since reality shows us that no one needs anyone for anything.

It is that lack of security and self-confidence that makes them distressed. On many occasions, some people stay for years and years next to another that does them more harm than good, simply because of that intense fear of being alone. They prefer to have a hard time than take the step to meet themselves.

But this is a serious mistake, because learning to be alone is extremely necessary in order to grow and mature psychologically.

Knowing how to be alone is realizing that in reality, your best company is yourself and that thanks to this, you connect with your being, trust in your possibilities and realize that you are capable of walking through life alone.

How can I manage my loneliness?

Pay attention to your internal dialogue

The first step is to review our internal dialogue : What does loneliness mean to me?

If you are telling yourself that loneliness is a terrible thing, that it is dangerous to be alone and that you cannot help yourself in life, you have a problem. You must change those irrational ideas for more rational, more realistic ones.

Dare to debate with yourself, look for evidence for and against those thoughts, analyze those fears and see if you have the resources or not to face them and if they really are that bad. This analysis will surprise you and you will see that this fear has no foundation.

Spend time with you

Force yourself to spend time alone. In order to change, we must not only act on a mental or cognitive level, but also on a behavioral level.

Schedule entire weekends alone, with your own company and if you want, a book or movie but without social networks. Go to the movies, to the beach, to the mountains, alone. Take a trip without any company. When you train this long enough, you will see that you have survived, that those fears were not real and that you have met your self and now you know yourself better.

Connect with others

Manage your time to also surround yourself with people. Loneliness is not good if we transform it into a continuous way of life.  Open yourself to the world and meet people free of prejudice. 

Many times we are alone because we also look for them. We put a “but” to every person who crosses our lives and this is because we do not understand that people are not perfect and there is no being that one hundred percent will complement or satisfy us.

Therefore, another step is to realize that there are millions of people out there wanting to meet you and you want to meet them, but you have to open up.

Knowing how to be alone is essential to get to know each other and relate to others, don’t forget it. Good company with ourselves is the support of our well-being.