To the question of “who are you?” most people respond by saying their name, age, marital status, and job. Let’s take an example: “I am Laura, I am 25 years old, I am married and I work as an administrative worker”. Are we really just that? A number, an occupation, a personal situation? All of these are nothing more than identifying attachments . What one really is, is in the depths of our being. And for this, you have to know yourself.
That you have a better or worse position, more or fewer possessions, are married, single, separated, does not give important data on the most important definition. Who are you, as a person. To truly know yourself, you have to put everything outside aside and delve deeper into the interior, in the sensations, attitudes, etc …
Now, knowing this… So who are we? If I am not my job, nor my possessions, I define myself as a responsible, humane, upright, intelligent person…. But neither those definitions that you apply to yourself really describe you, because what you think about yourself might not be realistic. That is what you think you are, but it could be that you were distorting reality, for different reasons.
There are those who have a very high ego and when defining themselves they exaggerate things in their favor. There would also be the opposite case, someone with low self-esteem, who, when defining himself, underestimates and underestimates his virtues. So how can we know who we really are? Do I trust what I think? Do I trust what others think of me?
What we want and what we do
To get to know yourself thoroughly, leave the labels and definitions aside. Think, for example, of things more internal, more intimate and private. For example, ask yourself the question about what really matters most to you in life? How would I like to live? What values do I have? What strengths and weaknesses can I improve?
We are what we do, not what we say. For example, imagine someone says that their highest priority in life is to become independent. It is what he wants most and puts it first, but it turns out that this person is 41 years old and still lives with his parents, being able, financially and emotionally, to live alone.
What information does this situation give us? If a person really wants something, he will do what he can to get it. So what he says and does in this case is contradictory. Why? Probably because what he wants most internally is to stay with his parents; but socially, it is frowned upon. That is why he tells the outside that his desire is another, so as not to be rejected.
Do the words are gone with the wind
We can say a lot in words, but the real information is in what we do, where we are, and what actions we take.
You can get to know yourself more with your behaviors and reactions, than with your convictions, ideas and beliefs. Especially in the way of acting when things are not going well, when there are arguments, confrontations or the need to show compassion and understanding. In those moments it is also when others are known the most, right?
Tell me what bothers you and I will tell you who you are.
You can get to see the great quality of a person in bad times. For example, imagine two friends who have always told you everything, even their most intimate secrets. But one fine day they argue and stop being friends.
In the reaction of each one will see the quality of the person. If despite being angry, they do not try to harm the other more, or take advantage of the secrets they know about the other, it will tell us that people are one way. If, on the other hand, when someone gets angry he lashes out at the other person, tries to harm him behind his back, to create a bad image and rejoice in his misfortunes, we will be facing a vindictive person with little integrity.
Knowing oneself through others
Unfortunately, when the circumstances are good, we all put on our best face. But when things get tough, not all the people are there. And it is in their reactions that they are truly known. For this reason, to get to know yourself and others, try to find coherence in your actions and your words; in what they long for and what they do; in what they want and how they behave.