We have all experienced, to some degree, negative situations that have deeply damaged us. During our first years of life, when we are most vulnerable, the people and circumstances that surround us can become strongly marked. Those damaged emotions remain latent within us, waiting to be discovered and healed.
Without our realizing it, our emotional wounds condition the way we view the world and direct our behavior. For this reason, many times we wonder why we are always involved in the same types of conflict situations, because we always act based on the same patterns that cause us problems. The answer lies in that inner damage that we cannot see clearly.
There are mainly five emotional wounds that develop during our childhood. At that young age, we do not have the personal resources to face complex situations. So we create masks that serve as defense against pain that overwhelms us.
That mask, which at the time was the only way we could find to cope with the situation, becomes a drag in adulthood. Our capabilities have increased, but that pattern is so ingrained that it is difficult to discover .
The first of these emotional hurts is rejection. It is urgent when a child feels despised, rejected, unloved by his parents. Many times the intention of these parents was not, at all, to make the child feel that way. However, when they are not able to meet the demands of the child (because they cannot, do not know or do not want to) the child grows up feeling insufficiently good.
Faced with this deep pain, the mask of evasion will emerge. The person will become elusive and elusive and will appear to the world with a false image of security and independence. You will panic to become deeply involved with others, as this would expose you to a new opportunity to be rejected.
The drop can be experienced physically or emotionally. The child who suffers from the absence of a parent or who suffers from a cold and disinterested presence grows up feeling helpless. His main source of love, support and support is not present or available to him, so he is alone and lost. As he grows up, the one who experienced abandonment will try by all means to ensure the love and presence of others.
His injury will move him to desperately demand continued displays of affection and loyalty from his loved ones. And despite this, he will never feel calm, so he will be willing to give himself to the other at an insane level in order to prevent this from leaving his side.
This wound is created when the child feels that his parents are ashamed of him. When they compare him to other better ones, when he is harassed or claimed for his actions. The child begins to feel unworthy and develops a great feeling of shame, responsibility and perfectionism. As an adult, he will tend to be overly responsible for others, so that he feels that he is worthy of love.
It arises when an important figure for the child betrays his trust, lies to him or does not keep his promises. In this way the minor grows doubting the veracity of everything and with a great need for control. This person demands excessively from others and when they do not please him he feels disappointed and betrayed again.
This wound is born when the child feels treated by his main caregivers with coldness and authoritarianism, when he perceives that they treat him in a very critical and intolerant way. Faced with this emotional pain, the mask of rigidity is created. When he grows up this person will show an independent and imperturbable attitude and a very inflexible attitude.
Heal damaged emotions
As long as these wounds remain hidden they will continue to sabotage us in the shadows. If we want to be free and masters of our own existence, we have to identify these damaged emotions and heal them. For this, there are three fundamental steps: recognize the wound, forgive the past and provide yourself what you lacked. Love yourself, stay true to yourself, treat yourself with respect and dignity, and allow yourself to be and enjoy yourself without fear or guilt.
Letter to the child in me
Dear inner child, forgive me for turning my back on you. Today I release you from pain and assume my role as an adult. Let me take care of us now.